Hi. This is me.
And that’s my assistant, Ted.
Anyways. Look. This is the part where I’m supposed to write some really pithy piece of prose where I extol all the certifications I’ve garnered, all the popular websites I’ve written for, and blah blah fucking blah.
Well, I’m not going to do that.
Because, quite frankly, I hate Bios. No, honestly: I would rather be dragged through broken glass, made to fire walk over burning hot coal and finally clobbered to death by a baseball bat wielding troll than write a ‘bio’.
So, instead, here’s what we’ll do: I’ll TL;DR my life below. And you can make up your own mind about me by checking out all the people whom I’ve sexified and all the interesting stuff I’ve written.
I grew up a fat kid. Wanted cover model abs. Dedicated my teen years to this one purpose – travelled vast lands and treacherous plains to acquire fat loss secrets. Arrived back home. Got the abs. Got the girl. Girl left me. Realised I liked training. Got awesome at it. Taught others.
And now we’re here.
Why Should I Listen To You, Huh?
OH, you thought this was one of those sites. Cute. It isn’t. You don’t have to listen to me, it is advised, though.
Think of this like the relationship you had with your older sibling when you were a teen; they’d give you advice based on their life experience and it was up to you whether you heeded it or not.
I’m just telling you what I did and what worked for me and hundreds of my clients, listen, don’t listen. Your call.
As Socrates once said: ‘I cannot teach anybody anything. I can only make them think’
Why Do You Have Two A’s In Your Name?
JEEZUS, CAN I FINISH – My Parents couldn’t spell, ok? Can we get back on point now?
So, you were saying…
This site is 8+ years of experimenting, learning, failing, succeeding a bit, failing, learning, experimenting some more, failing a lot more and finally succeeding with my own fitness goals. Namely in the quest for the cover model physique.
I haven’t done too bad, I think.
And that’s what I’m all about: how to help people look good naked.
While this goal tends to be scoffed at by denizens of the fitness populace, for seemingly more worthy goals like chasing athleticism or being ‘functional’, looking good naked, and I have no qualms about admitting this, is all I really care about.
It’s what got my 14-year-old self into lifting a decade ago and is what continues to motivate me to lift today.
So…what’s your site about, exactly?
Think of Physiqonomics like you having a conversation with your no-nonsense, educated, trainer friend. Who tells you to stop fucking around and get your shit together – not to offend, but because he loves you enough to tell you the truth.
Physiqonomics. Cool name, Bro. What’s it mean?
It’s a portmanteau of the words ‘Physique’ and ‘Onomics’.
Physique: pretty obvious.
-Onomics: A suffix that denotes the study of something.
As this site is mainly personal musings, thoughts, ideas, and ramblings on everything fitness, health, body composition, training, and nutrition: it works perfectly, wouldn’t you agree?
Your articles don’t seem like the typical fitness stuff, there’s an undertone of philosophy and psychology…
Very astute, friend.
And you’re correct. This may come as a shock but I read a lot of stuff outside of fitness. Philosophy and psychology are two of my other loves and I tend to explore these in my fitness writing as they go so well.
As I always say: The psychology of body composition is far more important than the physiology.
But, are you even a Psychologist?
No. I am not. Neither do I attempt to play one on the internet. Psychology is one of my interests, and I simply read and research on it a lot. I then write about my findings. Like I said, most of this stuff is for me.
I’m not telling you what you should do. I’m not your Dad.
A Philosopher, then?
Eh, ok. Sort of. A little bit.
Tell us one thing nobody knows about you.
I trained Piccolo.
No you did not.
I’m aghast at such accusations. I am many things, but a liar, I am not.
Ask him yourself.
‘Hi, I’m the owner of a supplement/gym wear/fitness something or the other company, will you sell our shit?’
You should start a YouTube Channel.
Wait, what is even going on right now? You’re supposed to be asking me questions not telling me what to do.
You have a lot of dope illustrations in your articles, who does these?
Why thank you. They’re all done by me [unless stated otherwise].
How often do you post a new article?
Generally 1-3 long-form articles a month, depending on how hard perfectionism hits me. You can get updates whenever I post new shit by joining my email list.
What’s this email list thing?
Erm, only the greatest thing ever.
Find out more here.
You On Social?
Yes. I also fully encourage you to stalk me. Click one of the links below to do so.
Facebook – I post more regularly on the Facebook page, as most of the content you find on my blog is long-form, and involves hours of researching, writing, thinking, procrastinating, procrastinating, procrastinating, procrastinating.
Instagram – where I constantly remind you I have abs.
Snapchat? I don’t snap. What am I, 10?
Twitter? I hate twitter.
I have a question can I contact you?
I’m joking, of course you can. Get in touch via the FB page, or the Contact tab.
But please don’t write me essay-length emails. The shorter your email, the more likely I am to respond.
And if the subject line of your email has an exclamation point in it: you’re dead to me.
Do you accept guest posts?
*unless you write something that blows my face off, no. But; if you’re reading this and thinking “hey fuck you, I have something that will blow your face off.” Email me and we’ll see.
Fine, I’m sold. Where Do I start?
Oh, and definitely check this out.
And finally, here’s a list of all the amazing people whom without physiqonomics wouldn’t exist and I wouldn’t be doing what I do.